There's a reason why

breaking up from a sexual

relationship is much more

emotionally painful and much

harder to forget than one

that didn't involve sex. There

are several neurochemical

processes that occur during

sex, which are the “glue” to

human bonding.

Sex is a powerful brain

stimulant. When someone is

involved sexually, it makes

him or her want to repeat

that act. Their brain produces

lots of dopamine—a powerful

chemical, which is compared

to heroin on the brain.

Dopamine is your internal

pleasure/reward system.

When dopamine is involved, it

changes how we remember.

The other part is oxytocin,

which is designed to mainly

help us forget what is painful.

Oxytocin is a hormone

produced primarily in

women's bodies. When a

woman has a child and she is

breastfeeding, she produces

lots of oxytocin, which bonds

her to her child. For this

reason, mothers will die for

their child, because they've

become emotionally bonded

due to the oxytocin that is

released when they're skin-to-

skin with their child.

The same phenomenon

occurs when a woman is

intimate with a man. Oxytocin

is released, and this makes

her bond to him emotionally.

Have you wondered

sometimes why a woman will

stay with a man who's

abusing her? We know now

that it's because she bonded

to him emotionally because of

the oxytocin released during

sex.

Men produce vasopressin,

which is also referred to as

the “monogamy hormone,”

and it has the same effect as

oxytocin has on a woman. It

bonds a man to a woman.

These “bonding” agents

narrow our selection to one

person. That is wonderful in a

marriage relationship but

really bad in a dating

relationship because you lose

your objectivity when you're

searching for your potential

lifemate.

Impaired Judgment

According to

neuropsychologist Dr. Tim

Jennings, “When you have

premarital sex, your reward

circuitry is bonded to them

now, and it will be much

deeper and hurtful.

Oftentimes, in breakups of

people who've been sexually

active, they can't tolerate the

sense of emptiness, so they

rush into another

relationship. The neuro

circuits did not have time to

reset, and so they're impaired

in their ability to bond with

the next person, and they

may become sexually active

with them. This is just a

repetitive cycle, and there are

real impairments in bonding

going on.”

Becoming Bonded With Porn

These same neurochemicals

are present when viewing

pornography. A man will

become bonded with

whatever he is engaged in

during the moment these

chemicals are released. When

your relationship is being

carried on with an image, you

become bonded to whatever

you're viewing.

Dr. Doug Weiss, a marriage

counselor, advises men to

have eye contact with their

wives during sex because they

become bonded with that

person. By doing this, he

explains that, over time,

individuals will decrease the

“neural pathway to

pornography and sexually

inappropriate thoughts and

believes and glue to healthy

sexuality to [their] wife. When

your brain thinks sex, it

thinks, 'Where's my wife?' And

that is a great way to fight

this battle.”

Discovering how our minds

were designed to operate by

a magnificent Creator reveals

truth in the way we are to

live.

Cycle of Sexual Sin

For someone viewing porn,

one of the functions of

oxytocin is to separate the

experience and the

excitement from the intensity

of the shame. According to

neuropsychologist Dr. Jes

Montgomery, “Usually by the

time they turn the computer

off, they are already sinking

into a sense of failure and

shame, and the function of

oxytocin is to tell the brain,

'Wait a minute. You don't

want to remember that. You

want to hold on to this

excitement and this amazing

magic that you just

experienced.'”

Knowing how these

neurochemicals interact and

change the brain help us

understand why sex is meant

to be kept within the

boundaries of marriage. You

see the overtones here about

God's design for His pure

temple. This is another

reason why the devil attacks

our sexuality so much—

because in attacking human

sexuality, it actually interferes

with human bonding.

So, for those practicing sex

outside of marriage, they are

creating a bond with their

partner, thus inhibiting their

discernment of whether they

should remain in that

relationship. God wired and

designed our brains for a

specific purpose: to bond

ourselves with the person we

marry.

Jennings, Weiss and

Montgomery are just several

of the many experts featured

in the Conquer  series 6-disk

DVD set who provide amazing

insight that help set men free

from sexual sin, while

providing practical steps to

live in purity.