There's a reason why
breaking up from a sexual
relationship is much more
emotionally painful and much
harder to forget than one
that didn't involve sex. There
are several neurochemical
processes that occur during
sex, which are the “glue” to
human bonding.
Sex is a powerful brain
stimulant. When someone is
involved sexually, it makes
him or her want to repeat
that act. Their brain produces
lots of dopamine—a powerful
chemical, which is compared
to heroin on the brain.
Dopamine is your internal
pleasure/reward system.
When dopamine is involved, it
changes how we remember.
The other part is oxytocin,
which is designed to mainly
help us forget what is painful.
Oxytocin is a hormone
produced primarily in
women's bodies. When a
woman has a child and she is
breastfeeding, she produces
lots of oxytocin, which bonds
her to her child. For this
reason, mothers will die for
their child, because they've
become emotionally bonded
due to the oxytocin that is
released when they're skin-to-
skin with their child.
The same phenomenon
occurs when a woman is
intimate with a man. Oxytocin
is released, and this makes
her bond to him emotionally.
Have you wondered
sometimes why a woman will
stay with a man who's
abusing her? We know now
that it's because she bonded
to him emotionally because of
the oxytocin released during
sex.
Men produce vasopressin,
which is also referred to as
the “monogamy hormone,”
and it has the same effect as
oxytocin has on a woman. It
bonds a man to a woman.
These “bonding” agents
narrow our selection to one
person. That is wonderful in a
marriage relationship but
really bad in a dating
relationship because you lose
your objectivity when you're
searching for your potential
lifemate.
Impaired Judgment
According to
neuropsychologist Dr. Tim
Jennings, “When you have
premarital sex, your reward
circuitry is bonded to them
now, and it will be much
deeper and hurtful.
Oftentimes, in breakups of
people who've been sexually
active, they can't tolerate the
sense of emptiness, so they
rush into another
relationship. The neuro
circuits did not have time to
reset, and so they're impaired
in their ability to bond with
the next person, and they
may become sexually active
with them. This is just a
repetitive cycle, and there are
real impairments in bonding
going on.”
Becoming Bonded With Porn
These same neurochemicals
are present when viewing
pornography. A man will
become bonded with
whatever he is engaged in
during the moment these
chemicals are released. When
your relationship is being
carried on with an image, you
become bonded to whatever
you're viewing.
Dr. Doug Weiss, a marriage
counselor, advises men to
have eye contact with their
wives during sex because they
become bonded with that
person. By doing this, he
explains that, over time,
individuals will decrease the
“neural pathway to
pornography and sexually
inappropriate thoughts and
believes and glue to healthy
sexuality to [their] wife. When
your brain thinks sex, it
thinks, 'Where's my wife?' And
that is a great way to fight
this battle.”
Discovering how our minds
were designed to operate by
a magnificent Creator reveals
truth in the way we are to
live.
Cycle of Sexual Sin
For someone viewing porn,
one of the functions of
oxytocin is to separate the
experience and the
excitement from the intensity
of the shame. According to
neuropsychologist Dr. Jes
Montgomery, “Usually by the
time they turn the computer
off, they are already sinking
into a sense of failure and
shame, and the function of
oxytocin is to tell the brain,
'Wait a minute. You don't
want to remember that. You
want to hold on to this
excitement and this amazing
magic that you just
experienced.'”
Knowing how these
neurochemicals interact and
change the brain help us
understand why sex is meant
to be kept within the
boundaries of marriage. You
see the overtones here about
God's design for His pure
temple. This is another
reason why the devil attacks
our sexuality so much—
because in attacking human
sexuality, it actually interferes
with human bonding.
So, for those practicing sex
outside of marriage, they are
creating a bond with their
partner, thus inhibiting their
discernment of whether they
should remain in that
relationship. God wired and
designed our brains for a
specific purpose: to bond
ourselves with the person we
marry.
Jennings, Weiss and
Montgomery are just several
of the many experts featured
in the Conquer series 6-disk
DVD set who provide amazing
insight that help set men free
from sexual sin, while
providing practical steps to
live in purity.
